COCINLCC, Garki

PREPARING THE GIRL CHILD FOR PUBERTY

HAVING 'THE TALK'
Back in the day, parents sat their children down and had 'the talk' about the birds and bees and our changing bodies. In our cultures, puberty is seen as time for the rites of passage into womanhood and marriage, aunties rather than parents are usually saddled with this responsibility. It usually was a one off talk that served to instill fear of sex in the minds of the easily impressionable girls rather than prepare them for womanhood. Thankfully, times have changed! Now more parents know that is wise to prepare their daughters for puberty.

While it's great to talk to our daughters, the discussion about puberty should be more than just one chat or lecture. The best way to prepare your daughter for the big changes she's about to go through is to have a series of frank discussions. These can begin quite young and don't have to be detailed in the beginning. Just opening up the channels of communication and laying a good foundation of trust is the best way to start. This way your daughter will feel comfortable and secure talking to you on any topic.

PUBERTY IS A TIME OF GREAT CHANGE.
Puberty is a word that brings fear and apprehension to many parents. Really, though, it's an anxious, difficult, challenging time; it is also an exciting and important milestone in any girl's life. Puberty is the time when a girl transitions into becoming a woman. It's when she grows from being a child to being able to produce a child. Apart from the first year of life, it's the time when your daughter's body does the most growing and development. Understanding puberty and what's happening to your daughter may help to relieve any fears you have, as well as help you guide her through this often awkward stage.

As she begins to get closer to puberty, this is the time to talk about all the nitty gritty details. Explain how her body is going to change - breasts growing, underarm and pubic hair sprouting, increased perspiration, etc. If she has as much knowledge as possible before puberty sets in, she won't feel scared about what's happening to her. Your daughter will also feel comfortable coming to you and talking about what is happening and any questions she may have. In this world of technological advancement, you can be sure that what she does not learn from you, she will learn from the internet or from friends. These are not the most trusted sources for this kind of information particularly when you also want to impart your faith and values in your daughter.

There are ways that you can help your daughter through puberty and preparation is the key. However, you will not be of any help in preparing your daughter, if you are not first prepared. So what information do you need in order to prepare yourself?



WHEN DOES PUBERTY START?
Puberty usually occurs in girls between 9 - 14 years. It can occur slightly earlier or later than this and still be regarded as normal. Changes begin when the pituitary gland in the brain starts releasing hormones which act upon the ovaries. It usually takes about two years from the start of puberty until her periods begin.

The first changes that happen in puberty include: - A growth spurt will occur over two or three years.
- She could grow around 5 to 10cm per year at this stage.
- Her skin will become oily, which sometimes cause pimples.
- An oily scalp also causes the hair to become greasy and need more frequent washing. This will settle down once her body gets used to hormonal changes.
- Sweat glands will also start to become more active and she will probably need to start using an antiperspirant.
- Her breasts will start to grow (budding) and this is often the first obvious sign that puberty has begun. Her breasts may grow at different rates and be uneven, but reassure her that this normal.
- Her hips will start to widen.
- Pubic and underarm hair will start to sprout.
- With the hormonal changes, her moods will probably start to swing. This is the part that most parents dread!
- Then she begins to see her menstrual flow.

Now that you have the required information, what should you do?

PREPARE HER FOR MENSTRUATION
Discuss menstruation with your daughter before it begins. Talk about what will happen when she gets her first period, about sanitary protection and what to expect. While some girls will be excited about getting their first period, others may be fearful. It's important to reassure her that this is a normal part of growing up and becoming a woman.

Prepare a pack of sanitary products that she can carry in her school bag, in case she gets her period while out and about. This is a good chance to talk about what different products (ie pads, liners) can be used and when. It will also make her feel more confident about what is happening to her. Boost her self-esteem During puberty a young girl's self-esteem can take a battering. Her changing body can make her feel self-conscious and embarrassed. You can help her by complimenting her looks and making her feel good about herself. Make your daughter proud of these physical changes when they come, for she is taking an important step toward womanhood. A girl who feels confident will be able to handle the big changes with greater ease.

Be there for her as she goes through the mental and emotional changes of puberty While her body may be changing at a rate of knots before your eyes, your daughter's mind and emotions will also be changing. She'll start to form strong ideas and she'll probably start to question you more. She may begin to withdraw and appear to be closer to her friends than she is to you. She will start to want more privacy and may shut her bedroom door or get annoyed when you come in to her space. Don't fear, she still needs her parents just as much as ever, she's just trying to discover her identity and place in the world. Learning to deal with strong emotions and mood changes may be quite confusing for her (and you), so handle this stage with care. She also has to cope with a brand-new body which may feel strange and make her self-conscious, so it's important to reassure her and compliment her on her looks.

All these changes will be an adjustment for both you and your daughter. It's good to talk through them and let her know that you're there while still giving her some space to grow. She will probably swing from wanting to be treated like a child to an adult as she adjusts through this time. This is also the time where, as parents, we're guiding our children from being reliant on us to independent adults, so a lot of patience will be required as this won't happen overnight!

GROOM YOUR ADOLESCENT DAUGHER
With the arrival of puberty comes the arrival of hair - in the armpits, on the genitals and thicker hair on the arms and legs. A lot of young girls will find this is quite strange and even embarrassing. When this hair arrives, your daughter may want to start shaving or waxing and start using deodorants and fragrances. While there is no physical reason she can't start hair removal, you may want to remind her though that once she starts it's generally a routine that we keep for many years to come. She may not be ready for the responsibility of it. Remind her that it isn't necessary to start shaving or waxing and just because 'everyone else is doing it', she doesn't have to feel pressured. You may want to inform her that pubic hair does actually serve a purpose, both as a barrier to protect the vagina from bacteria, and as an aid to help with ventilation so you don't get to hot or sticky. At puberty the glands under her arms will start to become more active and she will probably need to start using an antiperspirant or deodorant. She will also need to be vigilant about her hygiene and bathing each day.

DISPEL THE MYTHS AND HAVE AN OPEN CONVERSATION
Sex is everywhere - from TV to movies to music to billboards. Girls have a keen fascination with sex and will certainly want to know more. It can be embarrassing for many parents to talk to their daughter about sex, but it is an important thing to do. Most girls will have picked up things from the media or from whispers in the playground, so parents need to have a frank discussion so their children are getting reliable information. As Christian parents, we must point out to our daughters that God has forbidden sex to anyone who is not married.

DON'T AVOID THE TOPIC OF SEX
Some parents are worried that if they talk openly with their children or teens about sex that they will lose their innocence thereby and be more likely to engage in sex early. This is not true, for ignorance and innocence are separate things and in fact many people in the know say that teens who are wellinformed and are able to talk openly about sex with their parents are less likely to have intercourse at an early age and less unintended pregnancies. Your daughter will go looking for information about sex whether you talk to her or not. So, as your daughter's sexuality blossoms, you want to talk about sexual responsibility and limits. Your discussion should include information about safe sex, including ways to prevent conception and sexually transmitted diseases. You could also talk about masturbation, access to pornography and limits on sexual exploration. Express concern and love for your daughter, leaving the door open for her to talk to you about sexual responsibility and concerns, about physical and emotional changes. It's far better that your daughter receives reliable information from you about sex, contraception and STDs, than from their friends or the internet which may not always be accurate. To illustrate the point that educating our daughters about sex will not rob them of their innocence, I use the example of Mary the Mother of Jesus. When the angel appeared to the Virgin Mary to reveal that she was to give birth to the Messiah, she indicated her knowledge of the ordinary facts of life by asking how this could be so, for "I know not man." Her knowledge did not prevent Mary from being the most innocent of humans. Giving your daughter such information will, in fact, protect her innocence. She will be guided by her knowledge to avoid situations which might be occasions of sin. In this vital matter, it is better for parents to instruct a year too soon rather than a minute too late.

Dr. Zipporah Kpamor
Sunday school Teacher


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